Nine Steps To Emotional Balance

<^gina^> This lecture is to help you to see and
understand when and where your life is getting
out of control. Most times when we lose our temper
it is not about the thing of that moment
rather a build up of many little things.

Little nasties that have continued to build up
resentment within us. By the end of the day,
we are like a volcano ready to explode.
Most times the person on the receiving end
has had nothing to do with the problem.
They are just the ones receiving the brunt
of the energy output.

Yes anger is an energy output
one that can make you feel very tired
and put out within yourself.
Next time someone is yelling at you in anger,
just stand back and say and do nothing.
Then see what happens
The person usually runs out of energy
and will storm off in a huff.
Becoming spiritual means being responsible
for all your actions.

1/ Recognize the relationship;
Me with me, me with God, me with my family, me with my
Friends and me with my children.
What type of personality are you?
Recognize and understand where blame belongs.

How many of you have looked at these different
relationships with your self?????
First, the one with the self.
Hahaha... it would help us to look at this relationship
in a more complete way
if only a few need answer.

<Katy> I dont think I have have really looked at my
relationship with myself before.
Other people yes, but not myself.
<^gina^> looking at the self is very important
if you wish to know your spirit
<Katy> I can see that, but hadn't thought of it before
<^Angel^9> ok, then, yes i look, and sometimes
i don't like what i see
<^gina^> why not?
<^Angel^9> I lose my temper with my husband.
I know he is pushing my buttons,
but it is I who has the anger button to push.
<^gina^> A good way in which to aid your quest in a
deeper understanding of self can be keeping a log.
It takes a few moments to set up a log.
Each evening take a few moments to examine your day.
Have you been angry? Have you had a good day?
Has everything gone the best possible way?
Are you happy in your work? By recording your moods and behavior,
you can soon see when things are getting out of
control and correct them on the spot.
unless you full know yourself ...
you cannot expect to know another
actually I feel the spiritual journey we are all on
is truely knowing the self
<^alex^> I have..but I think you have to in order
to fully love and accept self

<geri> So if things are beyond your control
and make you angry,
How should one react then?
The way to remember this is to see that every action
has two ways of dealing with it re-action or interaction.
Action -reaction or Action inter-action
<Dwander> geri, first check if they're important enough
to be angry about
<^gina^> Anger and grief are both products of losing control.
<^Angel^9> how can i change my behavior Gina, i have tried
<^gina^> I feel that keeping a log of your reactions
and how you deal with your life and people helps
its not enough that we just meditate and be spiritual
<^Angel^9> ok, that's a tool i haven't tried
<^gina^> our spirituality needs to be built on
a firm foundation and that means
to know the self and our emotions
<Katy> are there other parts that we need to look at, in order
to know ourselves, other than our reactions to other people?

<^gina^> there is still a little ways to go in this topic... hahhaah

2/ Describe The Emotion;
Feel it in an acceptable way. How does the body feel?
Anger, describe the emotions what happens when you
Suppress themthen let them go.

<^Angel^9> what else can i do besides saying
i let go of my anger... how do i let go?
i want to be gentle, i want to feel peace
i hate being angry.
<^gina^> Just saying let go is sometimes not enough
a good meditation I have found to help with the letting go
is the following.

Breathe deep into three times and then imagine that
your anger or emotion is like an old lunch
a lunch that has gone all green with mold.
Place the lunch within a bag, see yourself
putting the bag in the garbage.
Then imagine that you are taking the garbage
out side to be collected. Stand until you see
the truck come and take the garbage away.
Now realize you can no longer use that excuse
or anger in the same way again. You can use
this method to rid yourself of any old patterns.
we all hate being angry however
it is a part of the patterns we set up to learn from.

<geri> And how long do we have to learn this?
Isn't once enough?
<^gina^> when we use energy we need to learn
to allow the anger to be channeled in a different
and non harmful way
I would love to think once is enough
have you found this to be so?
<geri> Oh no
<^gina^> hahahhaha
humans have been very slow learners
<geri> So can we learn to do this in a NY minute
(Like speed up the process?)
<^gina^> we have taken thousands of years to reach
this point in our evolution
<^gina^> I feel so
<Dwander> only thousands?
<Dwander> that's not so bad...
<^gina^> hahah dwander
I think we have been very slow

3/Accept responsibility;
Choice, where did it start? I make the choice! I
take the step, Look at the issue from a win/win.

<^Angel^9> when i stay away from my husband,
i rarely become angry, so he is in my life
to teach me to deal with my old angers????
<^gina^> I would say so angel
actually is it not time to settle on a new approach
<^Angel^9> yes

<^gina^> I will give you an example
I have lived with an old family friend in our home for 20 years.
he use to make a statement aimed at getting me angry
he would say...I am not saying this to get you angry
and after an hour of this statement placed into the
conversation I would hear me getting mad
One night I listened to his words
the first time he made the statement I told him to stop
that I was not angry that I did not consider the topic
enough to make me mad then he told me I was being mean
what I had done was caught him out at his game
sometimes people do things to try and make you react

<^Angel^9> so was he pushing your buttons to allow you
to become button-free?
<^gina^> its their way of being in control yes
<^gina^> Looking into the past can be painful,
however, if you can do it within your meditation
it will help you to resolve these issues.
No one says you have to love or like the world.
Remember you selected this life-time and all that happens.
Everything is a lesson no more and no less.

<miKron> I would to add something to part 2
that has helped me to access the universal
level of being. It is called choosing the middle path,
or to choose not to choose.
When one does this, the universe gives one love back in return.
It is self empowerment
<^gina^> I agree mikron..however people still need
to get to the space when they have choices
<^Angel^9> what is the middle path of being angry and not being angry?
<miKron> it helps sort thru some of lessons we have to gain more clearity

What is the problem, what created the issue.
How to resolve it. At all times be kind to yourself.
Something or someone created the condition for you to experience
And participate in the situation how you deal with it is up to you.

<miKron> it simply is a process one can you during all levels
of emotional challenges to gain empowerment
<^gina^> this talk is about a process to help

Believe in you, Be gentle with yourself,
look at the situation and what you believe about it.
Is it a real truth?
A real truth is something that has taken place
and not just within your head.

An example of a untruth is a mother telling her child
to behave or she won't love it. The child grows up
thinking the mother never loved it.
<^gina^> none dwander

6/ Validity;
Examine the true and false. The fore and against,
will it change anything.
So often we like to be the ones in the right
a good way of entering into a discussion is to ask yourself:
Is it important?
Does it really matter?
Is it life threatening?
If you cannot answer yes to any or all of these
questions then do not participate in a discussion.
Walk away from the situation.
Does that help angel????
<^Angel^9> it's a tool to learn Gina

7/ Carrot, expression;
What am I getting out of this situation? What does it
all mean? Positive and negative, Be aware, am I
attention seeking?
it helps...

8/ Cause and effect, results;
Whatever you do you are responsible for.
No more and no less.

<^Jbb> Is forgiveness really letting go?
<^gina^> I don't believe that people really forgive
I think we need to change our attitudes
<sarah^2> its easy to say "no i am not attention seeking".
no one wants to criticize themselves. how do we distinguish
if we are attention seeking or not?
<^gina^> good question
look at the way we behave around certain people and
then ask yourself why
I did an exercise once on the people who I met
and how I interacted with them...
if it was a friendly interaction
or one that yelled of ego, wanting to be noticed
When I had asked myself all the questions
I looked at the answers.
It really taught me heaps about myself. Then you need to remind yourself of that.
The other person does not want to hear
and really until both parties are willing to talk, and I mean talk
there is nothing one can do.
<sarah^2> what sort of questions do you ask yourself
in order to asscess the situation?
<^gina^> first I wrote the persons name on a page
in my spiritual note book, then how we met,
then if there was a posibility of friendship
spiritual friend
if the reaction was one that the other person
did not want to know me
then I would write down all the things said
and really looked deep as to why the reaction.
It was the way I found out people reacted to my energy
anything I had said did not register as the energy
was all they felt and that scared them.

<^alex^> Emotional reaction is a choice...
in my humble opinion...
when you react you choose your reaction
we should also be prepared to accept the
responsibility for that reaction to our action
<^gina^> yes alex
9/ New response;
At one with the self.
Select a new response believe
In all you do and say. Say what you really mean.
Truth can never be said in a way that will not hurt.
As much as we want people to like us,
we must always speak our truth.
Have no expectations of another agreeing with you.
Take ten negative emotions,
How do you feel about them?
When did you last experience them?
How did you react to them?

<^Angel^9> i can't name 10 ... mad, sad ...
<^gina^> those are your main 2
<^alex^> Don't most negative emotions all orginate from fear?
<^gina^> I believe so alex
fear of not being loved
or not being good enough, or being left alone
Now fear is learned. It is not something we are born with.
fear is placed within the child from an early age
Really, we need to reeducate the parents
to listen to their words.
Children are the best teacher of "Living in the Now"
everything with them is NOW.
It's the older people that change that for them

<AshtarRose> now now now :)
<^gina^> you got it ashtar

<^alex^> may I give a personal example?
I can remember as a child loving the night...
the sounds, the beauty of it and then as I grew older
I learned about the boogie man
then I begin to be watchful...anxious of the dark...
til I grew up to know fallacy...then I loved it again
<^gina^> geez we ruin the most beautiful things for children

<^Angel^9> is this task of learning not to anger
like cutting a new neuro pathway in my brain?
<^gina^> yes dear
<^Jbb> gina: It strikes me then that it will never
get any better emotionally for you in your life
until you learn to re-define things in a more
non-personal, non-ego, objective way.
<^gina^> its learning that you have the right
to make a statement and to have others listen
if a person gets angry they have lost the battle any way
<^Angel^9> does the reward system work to reinforce the new
behavior (not getting angry or should i say not expressing anger?)
<^gina^> is that a statement to me or in general JBB
<^Jbb> asking your point of view....
<^gina^> I agree JBB
<^Jbb> thank you

<^gina^> its the personal ego that keeps anger alive and well
<^Angel^9> ooooooooooh
<^Angel^9> if i practice being more humble, will i be less angry too?
<^gina^> forget humble angel
<^Angel^9> forget?? why?
<^gina^> thats not a natural state for humans
just be yourself and ask if your reactions cannot become actions
<^Angel^9> i thought humility was a good thing
<^gina^> in all the people I have met...
and thats a heap of people the Tibetans show true humility
<^alex^> define true humility
<^Angel^9> what is the opposite of humility then?
<Katy> same question as alex
<^gina^> its when you can put all others before
yourself without a second thought
selfishness is the opposite of humility
<Katy> is that healthy?
<^gina^> yes it is katy
<^Jbb> the bodhisattva vow
<^gina^> yes Jbb

<^gina^> I feel that becoming spiritual is not enough
we need to change our attitudes and the way we approach our life
<^Jbb> what a task.
<^alex^> there is a whole category that goes under
that selfishness to me like greed
<^gina^> yes
<Katy> so humility = selflessness
<^gina^> its the time one
were we don't like to give time to people
other than when we say they can come or go
<^Angel^9> I also have a problem with becoming angry
when people sitting behind me in the theatre talk
and it happens every time
so this is a big lesson for me
<^gina^> we need to enjoy the altercations
learn to play in situations
see them as less threatening and more like learning
<^Angel^9> what or how do i change in me not to attract
talkers behind me in the theatre?
<^alex^> put the humor in life
<^gina^> hahhaha jbb
<^gina^> right alex
<^Jbb> :)

<^Angel^9> so if i stop getting angry at the talkers,
then i will stop attracting talkers behind me?
<^gina^> any other thoughts
<^alex^> time just politely ask them
to please be quiet...instead of sitting and
taking it and getting angry
<^gina^> hahaha sure thing angel
<Katy> sit in the back row angel, I do
<^alex^> and if they don't stop...move
<^gina^> if you react then look for the alternative
<^alex^> Emotional balance isn't just about anger tho
<^gina^> no its not
<^Angel^9> sad/glad bipolar?
<^gina^> emotional balance take time to achieve
through looking at yourself every moment
being aware of responses

<Katy> with analysing everything like that,
does that not take you out of your heart and into your head tho?
<^alex^> I see it more as learning to accept responsibility
for self and your actions and recognizing also what you aren't
responsible for
<^Jbb> but then again... when I go home and got to bed I have
to deal with the talkers on the other side, too... :)
<^gina^> not if you stand back and do it objectively....
hahahhahaha jbb
<^Jbb> true.

<^gina^> I agree yes jackie
<Jackie> selfishness vs selflessness are not both valid?
we are supposed to love ourselves first, no?
RA speaks of self love and otherself love
as we are all ONE.
<sarah^2> loving yourself is not being selfish
<^gina^> would you step outside of your home
to help a stranger if you were say cooking dinner?
<^alex^> and let dinner burn?
<^alex^> of course!
<Jackie> of course
<^gina^> then you know selflessness
I am not into we are all one
I know we are not
<^gina^> that could be another topic though
<Jackie> but i still get angry at my neighbor
for letting her cats run loose at night and
use my flower beds for a bathroom!
<Jackie> i was really raging about this the other day!
<^gina^> hahahah jackie...cats don't understand man made laws

<Katy> I thought the we are one theory, just referred to
the Universal Mind concept, have I got it wrong?
<^gina^> the hardest word to say is no and yet it is often
the best word in certain situations
<^Joyful^> amen
<^gina^> katy if you are at one with the universal mind you then yes
the greater part of the people on this planet
don't even know what the universal mind is
if you are being true to the self everything is easy
saying no or tough love is often the best thing
<Katy> so when they talk about "we are one" what are they talking about?
<^alex^> and what is right isn't always easiest
<^gina^> right alex
<^Jbb> no can be nuturing if presented correctly and received well.
<David3> no is rarely received well
<sarah^2> and yet can still be nurturing
<^alex^>'s just 2 letters and the toughest to say
<^Jbb> most intention behind no seems not to be nurturing.
<sarah^2> i suppose it depends on the situation in which the word is used

<^gina^> I feel saying no is part of the journey...
its the part that says./....You have now taken back your power
...welcome to the real world
I said no to each of my sibblings
my mother told me I was being mean
I was the family banker...
because I had no family they did not see me as having needs
go for it sheila
<sheila> my son says I am mean for saying no :)<sarah^2> no followed by because...
<^gina^> I think one needs to explain why NO
however I dont think it should be an excuse
to make you feel better
<sarah^2> can you give an example gina?
<^gina^> sure
I said no to my family for more money.
1/ as they did not pay it back
2/ as I had to work two jobs to keep them supplied
3/ I had no life
it was taking my power back that was the reason
I told them all that i was being kinder to them allowing
them to live their own lives
than making it easy for them
<^Jbb> tough love
<sarah^2> so are you saying you would have felt better by saying "yes"?
<^gina^> yes Jbb
I am saying I said yes as it was a form of thinking
they loved me and wanted me
when I learnt more about myself I realized
they were using me and I allowed it
<sarah^2> ah i see
<^gina^> hahhaah took me a long time to see
<sarah^2> even then was it hard to say "no"?

<^Angel^9> wow, gina, that must have been really hard to do
<^gina^> very hard
<^gina^> we are taught family must stick together
<^alex^> yes...and take care of our children
<^gina^> you know it was hard for me as I also
had to look at the way I was buying their love
now they do not contact me at all
and whats more I don't care
<sarah^2> but its in your best interest
<^gina^> well I have a whole world as my family
<sarah^2> that they don't i mean
<^Jbb> sorry they couldn't see the love or
the great opportunity of the lesson to grow.
<^Angel^9> how long did it take you, Gina, to detach from them?
<^gina^> hahaha till I was 40 angel
I'm a slow learner dear
actually I was nearer 35 I think

<^Angel^9> i have to build the courage to tell my sister 'no'
<^gina^> just say it angel
the first time is the hardest
be sure of your motive for saying it
remember truth is never kind .."it just is"
<^Jbb> because of the fear of abandonment, gina?
<^gina^> most times I feel Jbb
<^alex^> yes...abandonment, rejection, loss of love
<^gina^> mind you when you know peace...
there is no fear of being alone as you never are
<^alex^> it's that fear thing again
<sarah^2> or the fact that no one likes anger
to be projected towards them
<^gina^> thoughts are powerful tools
<^Jbb> gina - yes! Then you always have those you can talk
to when the lights go off. :)
<^gina^> one can feel anger even when its not expressed
<Katy> hi WiZER :)
<Susanrose> the end of the movie contact,,,,
the voice said you are not alone..
<WiZER> hello
<^gina^> hahhaha they never shut up... heheheh
I agree susanrose

<^Jbb> great talk gina!
<^gina^> thanks everyone for attending today
<^Joyful^> thanks Gina
<^alex^> it was wonderful as always!
<miKron> thank you Gina~!
<WiZER> ahh.. I missed it. :)
<^Angel^9> yes thank you Gina, i am logging
and will print it and work on learning these steps
<^gina^> if you have any further thoughts
you can always find me on #aotearoa
<Sunshine-> thanks gina
<Susanrose> I look forward to putting your log
on the web site gina, and hope you will do another
class in August, before your next trip
<^gina^> sure susan
<sarah^2> yeah, thank you for the tips and the
clarification of some human emotions that were misunderstood
<Susanrose> {{{{{{{{{{GINA}}}}}}}}}
I am enjoying reading her book: Gifts of Spirit
ISBN 0-908884-66-4
<^Angel^9> aaah, yes, i have read your book Gina, and love it

sarah^2 hugs gina and looks forward to the next class
<^Jbb> Love, Light and many blessings...
<^gina^> hugs everyone
<^Joyful^> sweet dreams